Comments on: Nobody taught me how to grieve. http://thekidsarehavingfun.wordpress.com/2008/11/17/nobody-taught-me-how-to-grieve/ Wed, 14 Oct 2009 00:51:40 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Stevie Hamberg http://thekidsarehavingfun.wordpress.com/2008/11/17/nobody-taught-me-how-to-grieve/#comment-25 Stevie Hamberg Mon, 08 Dec 2008 18:39:15 +0000 http://thekidsarehavingfun.wordpress.com/?p=79#comment-25 I am in the same boat. Im not sure if hearing other people's stories helps you but it helped me. I lost my boyfriend two years ago. His name is Alex and he was 20. It will be exactly two years on the 10th, so wednesday. I am a mess already. I know all those initial feelings are going to come back and I am dreading it. One thing I can tell you for sure is that you need to give yourself time. As much as you think it won't get better, it will. For the first year after Alex passed away I was an absolute mess. I cried myself to sleep for what seemed forever...then one day, I didn't. I didn't cry myself to sleep. I still cried everyday and most nights but sometimes it seemed like it never happened. Like I was aloud to be happy again. He passed in a horrifiying car accident in Mexico and I live in Washington so I could not attend his funeral. I still havent seen his headstone, which makes it hard to believe that hes gone...Elizabeth Kubler-Ross is the woman who wrote "On Death and Dying" (just incase you weren't sure that is the book that has the 5 steps, denial and isolation, anger, barganing, depression, and acceptance.) The first stage is denial but she makes it sound as if you have to go through the steps in order and you don't. I have gone through almost all the steps but I am still in denial. It will take a long time to accept your loss. Some people use the term "get over it" but I don't know anyone who's ever gotten over someone's death, they just accept it. I am doing my Senior Project on this exact subject and I am finding that there isn't really a way to grieve. theres not a set program that you can go through that will tell you exactly what to think and feel and then you'll be better. You just have to do it your own way. My best advice is, don't try to forget. You may not want to let it run your life but don't try to forget about him because it just makes it harder later on. And try not to be angry with other people because they are having similar feelings and just don't know how to talk to you and want to go about their daily routines and not let the death consume thier lives. I hope the best for you and my e-mail address is stevierae09@hotmail.com if you ever want to talk. It always helps. Its been two years for me and it still helps me enormously to talk about it. Good Luck! I hope that if you need someone to talk to I hear from you:) -Miss Stevie I am in the same boat. Im not sure if hearing other people’s stories helps you but it helped me. I lost my boyfriend two years ago. His name is Alex and he was 20. It will be exactly two years on the 10th, so wednesday. I am a mess already. I know all those initial feelings are going to come back and I am dreading it. One thing I can tell you for sure is that you need to give yourself time. As much as you think it won’t get better, it will. For the first year after Alex passed away I was an absolute mess. I cried myself to sleep for what seemed forever…then one day, I didn’t. I didn’t cry myself to sleep. I still cried everyday and most nights but sometimes it seemed like it never happened. Like I was aloud to be happy again. He passed in a horrifiying car accident in Mexico and I live in Washington so I could not attend his funeral. I still havent seen his headstone, which makes it hard to believe that hes gone…Elizabeth Kubler-Ross is the woman who wrote “On Death and Dying” (just incase you weren’t sure that is the book that has the 5 steps, denial and isolation, anger, barganing, depression, and acceptance.) The first stage is denial but she makes it sound as if you have to go through the steps in order and you don’t. I have gone through almost all the steps but I am still in denial. It will take a long time to accept your loss. Some people use the term “get over it” but I don’t know anyone who’s ever gotten over someone’s death, they just accept it. I am doing my Senior Project on this exact subject and I am finding that there isn’t really a way to grieve. theres not a set program that you can go through that will tell you exactly what to think and feel and then you’ll be better. You just have to do it your own way. My best advice is, don’t try to forget. You may not want to let it run your life but don’t try to forget about him because it just makes it harder later on. And try not to be angry with other people because they are having similar feelings and just don’t know how to talk to you and want to go about their daily routines and not let the death consume thier lives. I hope the best for you and my e-mail address is stevierae09@hotmail.com if you ever want to talk. It always helps. Its been two years for me and it still helps me enormously to talk about it. Good Luck! I hope that if you need someone to talk to I hear from you:)

-Miss Stevie

]]> By: xinu http://thekidsarehavingfun.wordpress.com/2008/11/17/nobody-taught-me-how-to-grieve/#comment-23 xinu Mon, 17 Nov 2008 23:30:36 +0000 http://thekidsarehavingfun.wordpress.com/?p=79#comment-23 It's true. The only things for certain are death and taxes, but nobody prepares you for either. Perhaps it's because coping with death is an incredibly personal and individual process, which is hard to teach. Some people prefer to stay in their rooms with their thoughts, and some people surround themselves with idle chatter and bundt cake. But I think it's mostly because people are afraid of their own mortality and prefer not to think about death at all (personally, I'm not one of these people). Parents want to protect you from thinking macabre thoughts and teachers want you to think your life will be gloriously successful, even though death shall come to all of us. Still, I don't think anything can "prepare" someone for death, except, perhaps, faith - whichever one you choose to believe in. I think it's easier to deal with the pain of loss if you understand why you're here and where you are headed. It also helps you stay focused as you live your life, because you know you want to make every minute count for the present and/or the hereafter (if you believe in one). I'm sorry, I don't really have many words of wisdom or comfort. Nothing can replace the loss of a loved one. It will hurt, it will continue hurting. I don't know how long. But eventually, this too shall pass, and you will emerge stronger for it. I certainly pray that you do. *hugs* It’s true. The only things for certain are death and taxes, but nobody prepares you for either.

Perhaps it’s because coping with death is an incredibly personal and individual process, which is hard to teach. Some people prefer to stay in their rooms with their thoughts, and some people surround themselves with idle chatter and bundt cake.

But I think it’s mostly because people are afraid of their own mortality and prefer not to think about death at all (personally, I’m not one of these people). Parents want to protect you from thinking macabre thoughts and teachers want you to think your life will be gloriously successful, even though death shall come to all of us.

Still, I don’t think anything can “prepare” someone for death, except, perhaps, faith – whichever one you choose to believe in. I think it’s easier to deal with the pain of loss if you understand why you’re here and where you are headed. It also helps you stay focused as you live your life, because you know you want to make every minute count for the present and/or the hereafter (if you believe in one).

I’m sorry, I don’t really have many words of wisdom or comfort. Nothing can replace the loss of a loved one. It will hurt, it will continue hurting. I don’t know how long. But eventually, this too shall pass, and you will emerge stronger for it. I certainly pray that you do.

*hugs*

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